This is part 2 of a 7-part series on same-sex attraction
For part 1, click here
For series summary, click here
It wasn’t as prevalent when I was a teenager as it is now. We were simplistic enough to just say “hey, do you like her?” or “do you think he likes me?” while we lean against our locker and watch them walk down the hall.
I know. You’re thinking “What is he, 12?”
My favorite was “does she make your hormones hum?”
But now it is all about being attracted to someone. “I feel attracted to her; does he feel attracted to me?”
Or the opposite: “I just don’t feel any attraction to this person.”
The level of attraction will determine whether or not the next step is to pursue a date.
As a society, why have we narrowed the options of action to be first and foremost sexual when we are drawn to someone?
If that were the case, then wouldn’t Stephen Hawking be the most sought after evening companion on the planet? His science, discoveries, and philosophies have attracted the attention of everyone.
I know I’m over simplifying.
It’s more complicated than that.
But it begs the question, is every felt connection between two human beings all about sexual compatibility?
Families are drawn to each other because of commonalities and shared histories; friends stay true to each other over decades because of a continued attraction; employees remain loyal through the years because they appreciate what the company has to offer.
So, a young person, still figuring out how the world works and where he or she fits in the scheme of things, sees someone and feels a connection of some kind.
The logical thing would be to find out what is attracting them to that person.
It could be kindness, it could be intellect, it could be musical talent, it could be a likeable charisma, it could be innate leadership, it could be a successful track record.
Or it could be a physical attraction.
This would be when the hormones start humming.
I worry that our message to all the teens and 20-somethings now, however, is that any attraction at all shoots right to the last one. And don’t just wonder through humming; pursue it directly via full orchestration.
Wouldn’t that really confuse anyone?
So, heterosexual or homosexual, I think we need to step back and understand just what the attraction is based in. Perhaps the relationship would be of an example, a study peer, an entertainer, a friend, a mentor, or a business partner.
None of which would be sexual in the least.
Turn down the volume on those hormones.
Since I am a firm believer in the ability to be attracted to countless incredible individuals at once, but only sexually attracted to one incredible individual at a time, the ratio then would dictate that we can eliminate the vast majority of potentially confusing scenarios.
But there is the one, that special one.
And depending on your wiring, you may be looking in different prospective pools.
I guess the point is what do we do with this attraction?
I first met Ann in a Sunday meeting. I didn’t know that she was going in to work at a restaurant right after and was wearing her uniform.
I just thought she wasn’t a very conscientious dresser. Of course, I was a VERY conscientious dresser. With this comparison, we obviously didn’t have anything in common.
It was forgotten.
But on our next interchange, I felt something. A connection. An attraction.
There was a kindness about her, a confidence, a systematic mind with no-nonsense solutions, and a wonderful sincere smile that was more in her eyes than through her mouth.
I wanted to get to know this intriguing person who was obviously of quality, as well as a little mysterious. It wasn’t long before we were just together for everything. Greg and Ann. Ann and Greg. I found we could talk about anything, or nothing, and both were equally comfortable. I wanted to see her each day before I closed my eyes to sleep, just to connect and share.
Quite an attraction, wouldn’t you think?
But there hadn’t been any hint of a hum.
Finally, one of our friends pulled me aside and said “Greg, are you going to make a move on Ann or what? We think she is amazing and you are in the way.”
I was dumbfounded. The thought of “making a move” had never entered my head, my miss-wired head.
So of course I stepped aside. Ann was my best friend. I didn’t want to stop her from any happiness.
But then I realized clearly, firmly, and without doubt that I did not want any life that didn’t have Ann in it at my side; it didn’t matter if we were talking or not talking, as long as we were just together.
You know the rest of the story;25 years later she hasn’t been able to outrun me in her attempts to escape, and I remain even more blissfully happy now than then.
And just for the record, I got my volume button going and the hum is a full orchestration.
We know that a physical attraction wasn’t the initial attraction, or a secondary attraction, and so on.
But it was the last. The icing on the cake, so to speak.
I think society has it backward most of the time; sexual attraction isn’t the first connection, it is the last.
What does it really mean to you to be attracted to someone?