This is part 5 of a 7-part series on same-sex attraction
For part 1, click here
For series summary, click here
We’ve talked a lot in this series about, well, talking.
Taking same-sex attraction and homosexuality out of the shadows and bringing it into the light is HUGE.
So, what happens when people start to talk?
No, really. It’s actually possible that someone will hear.
If you are one who understands all too well same-sex attraction, speak up.
On the other hand, if you are one who doesn’t understand this whole same-sex wiring, what can you do?
Then listen some more.
That’s what a good therapist, counselor, psychologist or other professional will do. They listen and ask and help the person to see what it is that they really feel inside, helping them to identify their value system and their goals in life.
And if the person says that they really want to stop drinking, or smoking, or gambling, or philandering, or anything else that contradicts their values, then all the help possible is provided for this struggling person. There is continued reinforcement and encouragement. There is personalized help when they feel temptation to stray back to their natural wiring tendencies.
Except in cases of homosexuality.
In many areas it is actually illegal for a professional to act, well, as professionals are supposed to act.
Perhaps society isn’t willing to listen yet to those who want help in overcoming same-sex attraction.
The science is pretty sound that the brain’s ability to make good, rational, and well-owned decisions doesn’t happen until around age 26. If we need evidence of this, just look at some of the things we did as freshmen in college. I think everyone cringes a little at some of those memories.
We also know that there are young people who feel trapped by their family or peers or church leaders and can’t openly discuss these pubescent awakenings, feelings, and stirrings with the accompanying confusion.
To be fair, I think both heterosexual-leaning and homosexual-leaning people experience that confusion and frustration. What boy really wants to talk to his dad about what he’s thinking about that cheerleader sitting next to him in class?
As parents, we need to take responsibility for that one. If we have created a home where open, honest questions can’t be asked, then we haven’t lived up to our parental responsibilities. Just remember, a conversation is not condoning. It’s just a conversation, a beginning.
But this beginning begins long before children become hormone-filled teens. If you haven’t already, start NOW.
The reality is that there are many out there (not very far from where you sit right now) who recognize these wirings that make the same sex more appealing than the opposite.
Some really want to pursue that direction with full force.
And as a society we stand up and scream that they must be helped and supported, calling those who are unsupportive bigots, narrow minded, and archaic. Just think gay pride.
Of course, they have the right to make that choice.
But some really want to stay true to their value system, which would indicate that putting the brakes on this accelerating locomotive is the right thing to do.
The thing that they want to do.
As a society, we help those who want the help.
So, why would we discriminate so blatantly against youth who have questions and are still trying to figure it out?
I watched a local news report last week about a TV special coming up on men who have same-sex attraction but have chosen to be married to women. The reporter and the news anchor both clearly expressed their views that these men and women were deluding themselves.
Because, everyone knows if you’re gay, you’re gay. There’s nothing you can do about it. There’s nothing you should do about it.
Well, all I can say is shame on them.
Remember, no one is really a victim when it comes to natural wiring. We can still choose.
So, why would we as a society feel we have the right to label someone else as a delusional victim?
Remember, your job is to listen, ask questions, and listen some more.
If you aren’t sure what questions to ask, here are a few that may help:
What makes you feel that you are attracted to the same sex?
How do you feel about being attracted to the same sex?
What does your testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ tell you about these feelings?
What is your understanding of my position on homosexuality?
Are you concerned about this changing our relationship? Why?
What do you think would help clear up some of the confusion you are feeling right now?
Do you feel that you can have a strong testimony of the Gospel, and, at the same time act on these feelings?
I think the most important question is really a simple one:
What do you really want?
I’d bet you the farm that 99% of the responses are going to be: I’m not sure. I’m just so confused.
Hey, aren’t we all about one thing or another?
That’s why we have our value systems, our foundations, our North Stars so to speak. So that when we are confused, we can get all the help we need.