Ann and I have been following the show that has created a lot of buzz, driven primarily by controversy. This usually happens when new and different ideas are put out there for society to mull over. Some people will embrace, some will fight, and others will ignore.
I think it’s become pretty hard to ignore this one.
There were parts of the TV show that we really appreciated; there were parts that didn’t reflect at all the life that Ann and I have together. In fact, there were several behaviors depicted that, in my opinion, would not be appropriate in any marriage, regardless of who the spouses are.
Part of the miracle of mortality is that each of us has to forge ahead and take ownership of our individual paths.
Ann and I work very hard to make sure that our unique journey is entirely consistent with gospel teachings. Marriage is such a sacred and private gift. I would never want to do anything to demean our relationship. What a blessing it is that we are completely focused on each other, and then together look outwardly in the same direction.
I’m going to try to just simply state things as I see them:
People passionate on one side of the argument feel strongly that to live a homosexual lifestyle is natural and simply one more alternative to the other options out there. They feel proud of the way they live and would have others feel the same.
The truth is, that is never going to change.
People on the other side of the argument feel strongly that to live a homosexual lifestyle is one of the many things that God has told His children is a sin. As they work hard to obey all of the commandments as best they can, they see abstaining from homosexuality as the only way to go.
The truth is, that is never going to change either.
It almost seems that each side has dug in and through debate, shouting, petitions, legislation, and a volcano of anger, neither will settle for anything less than the opponent’s total capitulation.
The truth is, that is never going to happen.
Knowing that one side isn’t going to eliminate the other, is there a way for anyone to “win” this fight?
As near as I can tell, these are the things on which both sides agree:
Feeling sexual attraction to the same gender is, for lack of a scientific term, something we are wired with. Having these feelings is, indeed, not a choice. Someone can’t be “cured” of these natural inclinations and desires; the wiring isn’t going to disappear.
It is neither healthy nor helpful to suppress and ignore these feelings. Just as with any other natural wiring we find in our circuit board, these feelings must be faced head on. Hiding these things from those we love the most takes away our control of what we truly want; sharing and talking things through with trusted family and friends gives us control over choosing our next step.
There are people dying out there because of feelings of frustration, loneliness, and worthlessness. The compounded confusion of going through puberty and also “being different” seems so overwhelming that they don’t feel able to find a way to keep going. They don’t see a solution on the horizon. There is no anesthetic for the pain. Suicide seems the only solution.
Families are being torn apart just at a critical point when the family is crucial for survival. Parents react in confusion or anger; teens react in mistrust, instead relying on their conviction that they are smarter than their parents; communication shuts down. Each ends up trying to find solutions alone, rather than together.
With so much on which we agree, why exactly do we continue to fight?
As near as I can tell, we disagree on the right to choose.
Some would have us accept that no one can choose not to be gay if they have this natural wiring; others would take away the choice of even considering a gay lifestyle.
I don’t know about you, but I am the master of my own destiny. I identify what I am wired with. I make a judgment on whether I see these innate inclinations as an asset or a liability.