Not afraid to die, but not afraid to live either

A friend from high school shared a great video clip of President Nelson recounting an experience he had on a plane.

The thing about it that struck the deepest chord in me was when he shared that even though he knew he was plummeting to his death, and those around him were screaming, crying, and panicking, he was calm.flying

At peace.

He wasn’t afraid to die.

I sat back and thought about that for a bit.

I’m not sure when it happened, but I realized that I completely understood what he was saying and that I felt the same way.

I’m not afraid to die.

Don’t misunderstand, I have SO many things to still fix and improve and grow in. I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished my task here on earth and am ready to go.

I’m not.

Like one of my very favorite songs from Bye Bye Birdie, I’ve still got a lot of livin’ to do.

Don’t we all?

tornado of lightHowever, just as important as understanding that I’m not afraid to die, I also realized I’m not panicked about cramming as much as I possibly can into whatever time I’m given.

It wasn’t always that way.

Back when I was in constant manic mode, I just couldn’t go fast enough to fit in all that I wanted to get done, or experience, or feel, or see, or taste, or smell… you get the idea. It kind of felt like I was always a bit worried about what I was missing.

Afraid, even.

But with the crazy bipolar stuff coupled with all the other physical silliness that makes up my body, we’ve found that a quiet life works best to keep things under control.

It wasn’t that long ago that I would have felt that, given my lot in life to be a SLOWER person when I felt what I wanted out of life was to be a FASTER person, would have been more than I could bear.

You know, afraid of all that I was missing.

sun hazeBut in so doing, I was actually missing life itself.

Ironically, that’s its own kind of death.

Part of my journey has included being gripped and paralyzed with a real, physical irrational fear caused by the mental illness and my wild brain misconnections.

I could never have foreseen that it would take me being afraid for no reason to learn to truly appreciate not being afraid for any reason.

How about you?

Is being afraid of the death of “what could be” keeping you from truly living the life of “what actually is”?

against-sun-1170454-1279x903Don’t be afraid to live, and I don’t mean live as though you were dying…

I mean live as though you are living.

Because, in case you’ve forgotten, you are.


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