I’ve asked myself that question quite often recently.
Of course, my first response is “not much.”
But, after a few minutes I realize that just isn’t true.
I know a lot.
And so do you.
Here’s the deal:
I’m bipolar, which I’m slowly coming to understand, is just a lot harder than I thought it would be once we knew that was what was going on and worked to become masters of our destiny.
I’ve got some intense OCD, which I’m also coming to understand, is just a lot harder on those around me than I perceived it to be.
Then there’s the psychosis, that keeps me guessing what is actually real and what is just in my head (but incredibly real nonetheless). I’d like to say it makes life a dream, but that would be lying.
This whole mental illness thing with the screamers is just kind of gross. I can certainly understand what madness feels like.
My blood is like glue and I’ve had seven documented blood clots, four of which were in my lungs and another one after being on Coumadin for years. Smacking my head, bad on several levels.
I think we have the Functional Neurologic Disorder pretty much under control, but it still takes a little focus and patience.
In controlling my wiring for same-sex attraction, I simply look to the immortal words of Professor Alastor Moody: CONSTANT VIGILANCE! Once my guard is down, watch out. And I start over again.
You know, when you list it out like that, life should be pretty bleak.
At the least, overwhelming.
But here’s what I KNOW:
I know that I don’t suffer. No, really. Whether you believe me or not, it doesn’t really matter. I don’t live a life of suffering. I live a life of happiness.
I know that the Atonement of Jesus Christ is real; and coming from someone who struggles with reality, that is really a big deal.
While I may wonder if my friends are real or imaginary, I have no confusion at all about the solid certainty that my life of happiness is a direct result of what He has done and continues to do.
(Source: David Bowman)
There are lots of other things that I know, but let’s stop here for a minute.
The first list is definitely longer and potentially overwhelming. The truth is that we’ve been there and done the whole “overwhelmed” thing.
We understand it completely.
But it’s the short list that can and does overcome the long list, no matter how long it may grow.
Those positive’s are more powerful than all the negative‘s.
As a result, I truly do not suffer.
At least, not that I notice anymore.
And the truth is, that overwhelms me – but in a really, really good way.
So, yes, I KNOW a lot.
Take a moment to ask yourself:
What do you KNOW?
You really do know a lot, when you allow yourself to remember.
Your list of positive’s doesn’t have to be long, no matter how lengthy your list of negative‘s may be.
The short list just has to be about Him.
Trust me; it’s all very, very real.
(Source: Liz Lemon Swindle)