To the adult who is attracted to the same sex  

This is part of a series of letters to those who may feel lost. Sometimes when we are down, discovering something in the mailbox is just the thing.

It reminds us that we aren’t as alone as we think.

lonleyToday I write to a man well into his life and his career and fully capable of making his own choices – and who is growing weary of the loneliness his choice to master same-sex attraction may have brought him.

Let’s call him Jack.

Dear Jack,

Here we are – charter members of the Surviving SSA Club.

I suppose it has its benefits.

Right now I can’t think of any.

How about you?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

I know it’s pretty daunting to roll out of bed each morning, alone, and paste a smile on your face that you will, yet again, fight the fight today.

I’m pretty impressed over how many days you DON’T just pull the covers over your head and leave the curtains closed.

By the way, thank you. Thank you for continuing to get up and head to the shower and to work and whatever else your day brings.

You don’t hear that enough. Perhaps that could be one of our club perks.

family5I would also guess that it drives you crazy to hear from people like me who are married to their best friend and share the joys of children and the hope of just growing old together.

Instead of offering hope, it becomes just one more item to add to the list of things that makes you lonely.

I’m sorry for the frustration that causes. You don’t hear that enough either.

So, why do you keep doing it? Why do you keep getting up each day and grit your teeth and look longingly on all those who are happily married while knowing the reality of personal obstacles blocking your entry through that particular gate?

carrying-manOnly you can answer that.

Each club member has to have his/her reason.

And it has to be a really, really good one.

Here’s what I know: the Gospel of Jesus Christ has the way to get through all of life’s problems each of us face.

It’s perfectly normal and natural that we want to dictate the “HOW” in our happiness equation. I would bet you have a well-imagined scenario that would make you giddy right down to your toes.

I think we all do.

And in fact, it can appear to us like many, many, many other people find themselves “living the dream”, so to speak.

Good for them.

But our problem is that part of our “dream” includes something that we know deep inside our souls conflicts with our quest to find the maximum happiness available.

And that is the internal turmoil which makes you want to just pull the covers up over your head and stay in bed.

I asked you earlier why you kept getting up and trying.

I’ve asked myself the same question. I wondered if some things were different whether or not I’d be living a gay lifestyle.

temple7Well, if I weren’t a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and if I didn’t have the gift of the Holy Ghost, and if I weren’t able to partake of the sacrament each week, and if I weren’t strengthened and calmed by temple covenants, and if I didn’t absolutely KNOW in my soul these things are true and right and beyond wonderful …

…then yep, I’m pretty sure that I would be living a gay lifestyle.

And I weep in gratitude every day that I’m not.

I can understand that you may simply be weeping in pain every day that you’re not. That doesn’t make you a bad person, or weak, or evil.

But it does make you unhappy.

And for that I’m truly sorry.

I guess there’s really only one way to say it: It sucks to be you.

So, what can be done about it?

Again, only you can answer that.

Each club member has to have his/her own solution.

And it has to be a really, really good one.

Mine wasn’t to get married and have a family.

Savior18Mine is to trust what I KNOW: God loves me; He knows that it, too, in many ways sucks to be me; and I know while He isn’t going to take away my pain and suffering, He will continue to add to my ability to find joy in the middle of it.

You know, to thrive.

So, welcome to the SSA Survive AND Thrive Club.

I’m actually humbly happy to be a member. The fees may be pretty rough, but the perks can more than make up for it.

We’re rooting for you.


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