Tag Archives: change

Understanding that we can never really go back home

For the past few months or so Ann and I figured that our little family foursome has been just about as spread out across the globe as is physically possible.

Alex is in London for the summer and last weekend went to Paris for a quick visit, staring up at the Eifel tower and taking pictures of the Louvre. Nick was in Lima, Peru fighting his way through the thick air and loving everyone along the way.


And of course Ann and I are here in warm and cozy Hyde Park, holding down the fort at home.


It’s an unimaginable reality for this family that spent every evening together and lived for our weekend fun for what was, in fact, a lifetime.

Continue reading Understanding that we can never really go back home

Is there ever a state of normalcy with mental illness?

Ann and I are getting ready to make the trek to Salt Lake next week to check in with our psychiatrist.

For quite a while now I have felt frustrated that we are continuously tweaking and changing and figuring it out. I just want to have life go back to being normal and constant and predictable.

Is that too much to ask?

So, once again we are getting ready for the changes that are sure to come.

I think the phrase “getting ready” is appropriate in this case. Some people may be able to just get up, gas up the car, and head for Salt Lake.

But not me.calendar

My usual preparation involves tracking every day how things have gone: calm, screamer, numb, manic, angry, laughing.

You get the idea.

Then I type a paper with the percentages of each, and compare them to the last visit’s statistics. I also type up a few paragraphs of things I would like to share with the doctor. I have found that this system is very efficient and practical. The doctor can be up to speed in less than two minutes rather than stumbling through my ramblings.

Just to make sure, I’ll read and retype and reread and retype. No mistakes. No miscommunications. Perfection.

From my perspective, this is extremely logical and rational.



Apparently, though, I am in the minority on that one.

Continue reading Is there ever a state of normalcy with mental illness?

Ultimately, everything is a choice, even sexuality.

This is part 7 of a 7-part series on same-sex attraction

For part 1, click here

For series summary, click here

When I was a kid I loved to visit my dad’s office at the university. He had things that seemed so high-tech to me at the time (all right, is there much that wouldn’t seem high-tech to a 4 year old?). Of course, it being the early 70s, high tech was a relative term.

In the corner was a HUGE slide rule that begged to be slid. My fingers loved the big buttons on the adding machine, even if it was turned off. The chalkboard was never complete without one of my small drawings in the corner.newton's cradle

But the thing that I always had to play with was his set of pendulums. There were five steel balls suspended from a black metal structure. If you pulled up the one on the end, and dropped it, then the one on the other end would go up just as high in reaction. If you did the first two, then the last two would respond in kind. If you did the first three, then the middle ball would join the last three and extend just as far the other way.

Continue reading Ultimately, everything is a choice, even sexuality.

But I don’t want to lose who I am…

About 18 years ago I had my first official diagnosis with mental illness. Things had gotten pretty out of control and an ambulance was called to come and take me away from work. Ann arrived at the ER with Alex and Nick in tow. They would have been around 4 and 2, respectively.emergency

But I was tough.

I took a few days off and bright and early Monday morning I was back in the store, anxious to get caught up. My boss called, expecting to get my assistant manager, and seemed shocked that I answered instead.

She let me know I couldn’t come back without a doctor’s release. I assured her it was merely a formality and that I would call the doctor right away and get the necessary paperwork.

I was dumbfounded when the doctor’s response to my call was “But I haven’t released you to go back to work.”

Huh? Continue reading But I don’t want to lose who I am…

Can we only really change through consistency?

Interesting concept, don’t you think?

Let’s go ahead and tackle the last on our list of relationships, which is actually the first in importance: Relationships with our God, with our family, with our fellowmen, and with ourselves.

Perhaps the first and most obvious question would be to ask what does it really mean to have a relationship with God?clouds4

Probably billions and billions of answers to that soul searching query.

I can with certainty only offer one, and that would be mine. Continue reading Can we only really change through consistency?