Recently I watched an interchange between a political candidate and an advocacy rights group. The media labeled it as a “tense exchange” and the day following aired interviews with members of the group declaring their disappointment in the whole experience.
Admittedly I am not a supporter of that candidate, nor do I pretend to have any understanding of the plight of the social injustices the group is fighting.
But I really thought they both wanted the same thing, and began the conversation on the same side of the issue.
So why did they end up turning in opposite directions?
I think it comes down to being ready to ask the question: okay, so what’s next?
But it’s pretty much impossible to be ready to move on to the solution if we can’t agree on where we are starting.
In my opinion, the candidate made the mistake of simply telling the others what they needed to do next. As well, in my opinion, the group made the mistake of not comprehending the valid if not difficult reality of the advice, which was actually good advice. Instead, they chose to tell the candidate that she didn’t understand.
See the common thread there?
Continue reading Okay, so what’s next?
A good friend posed the question, after reading our post on neither condoning nor condemning, how we do so without being offensive.
I admit, it’s a really great question.
How many times have we left words unspoken in our mouths because we don’t know how our message will be received? Especially when it comes to our beliefs and values?
The fallback rationalization is usually “I just didn’t want to offend them.”
Kind of funny that we don’t stop and think the same thought when a juicy piece of gossip comes our way. You’ve heard the joke: If you don’t have anything nice to say about anyone, then come sit by me.
But I digress.
I’ve thought about what it is that makes a comment or statement offensive.
We would think it would be the words spoken, right? But I think that is actually a small part of it.
I think it matters most how it is delivered.
Continue reading Is playing offense the best way to not be offensive?
A good relationship shares thoughts and ideas. A great relationship will afford safety in sharing thoughts and ideas that differ and challenge thinking. This keeps us all from growing complacent and only numbly nodding our heads when someone says something.
A friend initiated an email chain after one of our postings.
She had read the blog and wanted to let me know where she disagreed with me. I think that she had read my thoughts when she was tired, and then possibly even more tired when she responded.
I exist in a semi-comatose state, so I’m always tired when I respond. I’m not sure I can use that as an excuse for how preachy and self-righteous I was, but I’ll claim it anyway.
After reading and then responding, I was stewing all day. I carried on many conversations with my imaginary psychotic little friends, proving my point again and again. I knew that any reasonable and rational person could see my point.
How could she be so stupid?
Continue reading Just hit respond, or take time to ponder?
This is part 1 in a 7-part series on same-sex attraction.
For series summary, click here
Each side is certain they are right and the other is wrong. So what would there be to discuss?
It’s a good question.
I’ve always enjoyed literature and film that reflect on the past.
There really isn’t one period that I like more than another; the turn of the century, the roaring 20s, the seeming simplicity of the 1950s, the reminder of my childhood from the 70s. I’m not willing to admit yet that the 80s are the past, or even worth remembering for that matter.
But it’s interesting to me to see how different things were.
Watching “I Love Lucy” and seeing that she had to report to her husband as if she were a child makes me scratch my head how anyone ever found that the norm. Continue reading Why should we have the conversation about same-sex attraction in the first place?
We talked a few postings ago about how critical it is to learn to like ourselves. I really believe that until I can see myself as perhaps our Father in Heaven sees me, and love myself anyway, I don’t have the ability to see others that same way.
But I find that I like myself enough now to shine as brightly as I can.
If so, now it’s time to look around us.
Who do we see?
Come on, look a little more closely.
Are they okay? Are they lonely? Are they angry? Are they confident? Are they starving for simple recognition and a sense that they really do matter?
When you get to the point that you can see people as they really are, (and you CAN get to that point), then what? Continue reading Now that I like me, do I really like you?