Tag Archives: Do I own my choices?

There needs to be continuing dialogue on religion and homosexuality. But can we agree on what the conversation is about?

What is love?

There may be as many definitions or interpretations as there are people on the planet. Some seem to think that it means giving those you love anything they want. Some seem to think that unconditional love is telling family members that we support and approve of whatever they do. Today, more than ever before, many people seem to think that love must be accompanied by intense sexual desire and satisfaction. If we start to feel admiration or attraction to be with someone, then there must be a sexual component that has to be acted on.

And we call that love.

I don’t really agree with any of those definitions. You might. If you do, I respect your position and feelings. Because to me, that would be part of loving you.

But I still don’t agree with those positions or feelings. Both loving and disagreeing can exist at the same time.

Is love easy?   Continue reading There needs to be continuing dialogue on religion and homosexuality. But can we agree on what the conversation is about?

How do we settle on that which we settle?

Have you ever settled for less than what you wanted, or expected, or thought you deserved?

I’m sincerely afraid that is exactly what Ann did when she consented to spend the rest of her life with me. I think she’d like her deposit back.

I, on the other hand, clearly got the best end of that deal. I have so much more than I deserve.

But I won’t give any of it back – for anything. She’s stuck with me.

We’ve talked with our kids about their future mates and what are things that would be non-negotiable in choosing “the one.” notebook2

What is, or was, on your list?

If I go back to my teenage years, I had a pretty definite picture in mind of what my future wife would be. I’m sure that dancing and loving fashion and a high powered job and being drop-dead gorgeous were on the list.

Well, I did get drop-dead gorgeous.

I guess the question is, did I settle? Continue reading How do we settle on that which we settle?

Should we regret our regrets?

Regret: To feel sorry for something: to feel sorry and sad about something previously done or said that now appears wrong, mistaken, or hurtful to others.

Isn’t there a song that laments “regrets, I’ve got a few”? Unless you have lived pretty much a perfect life, you have things that you wish you could change or do over.

I do.

playing-together

There was a classmate who was teased in grade school and made to cry. This was back in the wonderful period when parents called each other about things their children had done. And it was in the time that the parent dealt with the child and taught them to do right and not wrong. I remember clearly my mother coming up the stairs and talking to me about it. I will never forget the disappointment on her face when I denied it.

I regret both doing the teasing, and then lying to my mother about it.

I remember to this day the look on a wonderful person’s face, who was also a wonderful friend, when I made a snotty comment in junior high about her clothes. It still haunts me at 47. Who did I think I was?

I will always regret that.

Is that bad? Continue reading Should we regret our regrets?

To avoid reaching our breaking point, do we need to already be broken?

Last night was kind of a rough one for me. I couldn’t go to sleep. I was relaxed. I was tired. But each time I started to doze off, my head jerked a little and there I was again, wide awake. The last time I looked at the clock was at 4:00 this morning.

That is a lot of time to just quietly be alone and do some thinking. Even for me.

As I lay there, I couldn’t help but go over the past several weeks. Kind of action packed, but without the great memories of a fun trip or outing.

It had been about six weeks that I had been spinning and revving up into the ceiling, so we were tired to begin with. Then the unexpected stay in the loony bin, which no matter what you may think, is NOT a vacation or rest of any kind. Then we discovered another clot in my leg at the same time that my levels of blood thinners were high and my blood, theoretically, should be too thin, not too thick. So back to Salt Lake twice again this week and other doctor appointments here in Logan.

Enough already, right? Continue reading To avoid reaching our breaking point, do we need to already be broken?

Every good story has a bit of drama to it. Are we adding some to our own stories unnecessarily?

The other day while vacuuming (who knew it could be such a great time to think and reflect and solve problems?), I was thinking about the TV show we had watched the night before. I know, people who are smart and intelligent and movers and shakers don’t have time for TV. But in our little box that makes up our world, sometimes TV in the evening is about all that can be managed – and so we do it together.
I was struck by how unrealistic the whole story line was. It seemed to me that the characters were specifically making choices that added drama to their situations, rather than solving the problems.
Well, duh, it’s TV.
Of course that is what they would do. Who is going to tune in week after week to watch the same thing happen over and over again and people being happy with each other? Even “Leave it to Beaver” had the difficulties that somehow always found a solution by the end of the half hour.
Certainly, our problems very, very rarely can be resolved and put to rest in the same time that a sitcom can do it.
We should be so lucky.

 

But, the converse is also true.

Does there need to be a drama or catastrophe happening as soon as the current one is over?

I think all of us would quickly answer “We’d love life to be that way, if only it could. It seems that there really is a pile up of wrecks waiting to be dealt with.”

I wonder how many of those wrecks could have been avoided if we had just been paying a little closer attention to our driving, so to speak? But just like we can’t live without our cell phones while getting from point A to point B, we can’t seem to focus on the here and now to make the there and then a little more under control.

Maybe the reason this struck me hard while vacuuming is that it hits way too close to home. I spent the greater part of my life anticipating, worrying about, and experiencing the emotion of all the potential problems that could arise.

And I usually did it long before they arose, if they ever did.

I experienced them again and again and again.

It almost felt like I would be out of control if things were under control. (Yes, we can all agree that I’m nuts.)

But, I would think that I’m not the only one out there who is a little guilty of drama production in our lives.

Anybody? Anybody at all?

With all the changes in our life, I’ve had some time to think about this very thing. I don’t think the solution is rocket science; however, we may wish it were so there would be a better excuse for not doing it more often.

We’ve talked before about being securely insecure and we’ll certainly talk about it again. Insecurity is the root of many problems.I think that there is a little insecurity that helps to push the drama forward in our lives.

Think about it: if there is drama going on, then certainly that is the focus. Everyone is looking in that direction.

And not at me.

Or if they are looking at me, they are seeing me heroically handling a horrible situation.

Win win.

But just like the driver who can’t put down the cell phone, eventually there is going to be a bad wreck where people are hurt, or even killed.

It may be pretty boring to have a story or TV show that doesn’t really have a problem to solve. That’s okay. If we can remember that it is just a story and is to entertain (or in great cases, teach a lesson), then we can also remember that our actual stories don’t need to follow suit.

The past decade has brought forth an onslaught of “reality TV”. It’s cheap to produce and for some insane reason it gets incredible ratings. Apparently we love to watch each other be horrible to other people.

Really?

Can you imagine actually living a life like what we see on “reality TV” shows? Would you be shocked to find that there is nothing real about it? The whole thing is scripted? Kind of like letting out the secret that WWE is, wait for it, fake. I know, I know, it’s hard to believe, but there it is.

The “reality TV” shows are just as fake.

Our life may not have a finished script where we know where we are headed or how it turns out, but we do have power and control over writing the next few pages at a time.

Being an HR graduate and manager, I learned that problems foreseen and proactively handled required a miniscule fraction of energy and time when compared to those problems that exploded. By being present in our present, we can resolve things while they are little and avoid many of the big things that seem to plague us.

Kind of funny when you think about it. We may in fact be handling them within the half hour of a sitcom. Who knew that “Leave it to Beaver” really could be real?

I think the point would be that I’ve learned that life can be, and should be, much closer to the old 1950s sitcoms than to the current “reality TV” shows.

Leave the drama to entertain us.

It’s actually pretty good to “tune in” week after week to just actually live the same thing happen over and over again, especially when it consists of people being happy with each other.

I think I’ll stick with the boring for every day.

Continue reading Every good story has a bit of drama to it. Are we adding some to our own stories unnecessarily?