This is part of a series of letters to those who may feel lost. Sometimes when we are down, discovering something in the mailbox is just the thing.
It reminds us that we aren’t as alone as we think.
Today I write to parents who are in pain because their child is in pain. Dealing constructively with same-sex attraction is uncharted territory and everyone is stumbling their way through.
Let’s call them Charlie’s Mom and Dad.
Dear Charlie’s Mom and Dad,
You are tired.
Changing diapers and teaching Charlie to not touch a hot stove seem like a long forgotten paradise compared to what you are navigating right now.
I know that your knees are bruised and bloody, not only from stumbling and falling through this uncharted journey, but also from hours spent in pleading prayer.
You can’t kiss Charlie’s hurt and make it better this time.
But then, you may not be sure you want to.
Ah, perhaps this is the place to begin.
Continue reading To the parents of a teen attracted to the same sex
Ann and I have been following the show that has created a lot of buzz, driven primarily by controversy. This usually happens when new and different ideas are put out there for society to mull over. Some people will embrace, some will fight, and others will ignore.
I think it’s become pretty hard to ignore this one.
There were parts of the TV show that we really appreciated; there were parts that didn’t reflect at all the life that Ann and I have together. In fact, there were several behaviors depicted that, in my opinion, would not be appropriate in any marriage, regardless of who the spouses are.
Part of the miracle of mortality is that each of us has to forge ahead and take ownership of our individual paths.
Ann and I work very hard to make sure that our unique journey is entirely consistent with gospel teachings. Marriage is such a sacred and private gift. I would never want to do anything to demean our relationship. What a blessing it is that we are completely focused on each other, and then together look outwardly in the same direction.
I’m going to try to just simply state things as I see them:
Continue reading Thoughts on “My Husband’s Not Gay”
I spent time this afternoon reading articles and posts and watching a clip from Good Morning America.
You’ve gotta love the Internet.
The newspaper article and the GMA clip were about the upcoming TLC show “My Husband’s Not Gay.” My first reaction was one of frustration. But being tired and a little mentally wacky it quickly turned to anger.
I was angry at the suggestion that it was okay to flirt with a waiter in front of your wife (or even flirt with a waiter, for that matter).
I was angry at the derogatory, demeaning, slanderous statements posted about the wives of such men.
I was angry at the comments posted about how if you are gay, you’re gay. Otherwise, you are deluded.
I was angry at the blatant hypocrisy of not being accepting of someone walking a different path than what the gay community has mandated.
I was angry at the insistence that homosexuality is NOT a choice.
Not surprisingly, I spent the afternoon arguing with my imaginary friends, or rather, perceived enemies. After feeling like I had worked my way around to a great rebuttal to the argument, I sat down and began to type.
Continue reading Why is the suicide rate so high among gay teens?
After our posting about wondering if it was in fact a good thing to struggle with same-sex attraction, there was a very sincere reply by someone who understood all too well what I was trying to express.
She shared discouragement in the notion that we were adding our voice to that of other’s in saying that to be wired with same-sex attraction is wrong. She had been told again and again that if we are struggling with it, then we must, in some way, be deficient.
I am so grateful that she reached out and shared her feelings. She was very respectful and not hurling anger or judgment which, sadly, all too often results after attempts at dialogue. That behavior must stop.
Her mother also added to the conversation, sharing that this precious and loved daughter almost took her life as a result of this seemingly lose-lose situation. “I’m wired this way, but to be wired this way is a bad thing, but I can’t change being wired this way, so I must be a horrible person stuck in this never-ending loop.”
This creates the feeling that she is all alone. No one else could understand exactly how she feels. Continue reading So we all know that I struggle. What now?
While working in retail management, a thorn in the sides of all my managers was the company policy of selling the store credit card. This was when the country was realizing the danger of having too many cards and people were consolidating down to just a Visa or American Express.
This was frustrating for us because we knew our customers personally. We had worked to build friendships with them, which created repeat traffic as well as a better atmosphere in the stores. We worked hard to listen to them when they came in. The problem was that our customers were telling us to stop bothering them about the credit card.
But the corporate office was telling us that we had to get our statistics up in the number of cards we sold each week.
The two were in direct conflict with each other. We could either treat our customers the way we felt was best, or we could follow company policy and continue to be very aggressive in credit signups.
I shared this major frustration with my boss, hoping for a compromise that would allow us to do as we felt best with our customers while still keeping the corporate office happy.
The response was simple. Continue reading Can it be a good thing to struggle with same-sex attraction?