Tag Archives: pain

Why do you feel that your pain is greater than mine?

To clarify, I’m not stating that I, Greg, have pain that is greater than yours.

I don’t.

But as I read a few things posted recently regarding actively living a homosexual lifestyle and apostasy, and crying out for others to show compassion, I wonder if there are those who feel that their pain is far greater than that of their neighbor.

Perhaps I can offer a more encompassing perspective, though certainly not unique, as one with mental illness and same-sex attraction.

discouraged3

It would be hard for anyone to argue with me when I say that I feel I am qualified to voice an opinion about same-sex attraction, as well as choosing between suicide and homicidal tendencies and making it to the end of the day with everyone alive and intact, and at the same time actively choosing each day NOT to act upon that which feels natural within – be it sexual or mental.

In many ways, my coping mechanisms for each are the same.

Continue reading Why do you feel that your pain is greater than mine?

What is hope?

A wonderful friend and priesthood brother of mine is going through something unimaginable, and has been for years now.

As a husband and a father, this is just about as tough as it gets; I can’t even begin to imagine the pain that plummets the depths of his soul.

We’ve talked several times throughout this experience about a fundamental human need that helps us make it through these tough trials:

What is hope?step forward

He shares that he can understand having hope in the long run; you know, hope in the next life, hope that things eventually will work out okay.

(Source: Alex Batty)

But what about today?

Or, even more difficult, what about tomorrow, when it is even darker than today?

I’ve lain awake trying to pull my thoughts together and put words to what I feel and know within. Chances are pretty good that I’m going to botch this up, but I’ll try anyway.

Continue reading What is hope?

Is this all there is?  

There is more to do than there are hours in the day.

It’s just a fact.

We’ve all had moments of when-will-I-cram-that-yoga-time (which more often than not ends up instead at the freezer door with a large spoon headed for the chocolate ice cream).

ice creamAnd as we close our eyes after leaning against the closed freezer door, we realize that waiting for us in just a few hours is the need to get up tomorrow and try to fit 30 hours into 24.

Right?

Ever stop and wonder: Is this all there is?

We think that if it is, we may as well just throw in the towel. There has to be more to life than this.

To help combat that heavy feeling and give us the energy to keep driving through the day we place benchmarks ahead of us, things that we are working towards, things that we will “get to” after the hard work of today – the reward for all the work.

Something that makes it all worth it.

An Alaskan cruise.

A promotion at work with a better office and benefits.

Losing 15 pounds, and not finding them again.

A visit to the Hair Club for Men to restore the curly blond locks of 30 years ago.

A nap.

Someday.

What if, however, today is all there is?

Continue reading Is this all there is?  

When Happy and Sad make room for each other

Not many mornings ago I found myself in that wet-concrete of being trapped between sleep and awake, with the accompanying confusion between misty reality and all-too-real dreams.

It had been kind of a rough night and rather than waking refreshed, I was more tired than when I had gone to bed the night before.

depression3I was sad physically, emotionally and mentally.

As I turned my head to face the window and the light coming through, a tear slowly fell down past my ear onto the pummeled and flattened pillow.

It was going to be another long reach down inside to find the ability to raise my head, slide my feet off the edge of the bed to the floor, and stand.

While grasping for something deep down, anything really, I heard Ann and Nick talking in the kitchen. As Ann laughed readily, fully, and completely free of pain or sorrow at something ridiculous Nick must have said, my spirit immediately smiled.

Reflexively an unspoken prayer of gratitude floated through my mind and out the window, into the brightening day.

Closing my eyes again, and feeling the remaining tear squeeze past the damp lashes, I realized that the same tears on my pillow that moments before had been shed in exhaustive sadness, had made room for the quiet happiness.

The same tear, the same moment, the same body.

But I solidly understood that I could cry tears of hurt and of gratitude at the same time.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

For so long I have been unsuccessful in my attempted placement of the two emotions as opponents on a battlefield, always facing each other, feeling that one must be stronger in order to vanquish the other.

But Happy and Sad don’t have to cancel each other out; they can actually exist in harmony – one helping to make a little more sense of the other.

Happiness gently reminds sadness that there is indeed so much good interspersed between the difficult.

Sadness can help keep our perspective grounded a bit as we take time to alleviate another’s suffering.

If we balance it just right, each day has the potential to become a great explosion of beauty and pain and joy and frustration.

fireworksSome fireworks displays will be better than others, but in the end they all bring color and light and warmth.

When we allow Happy and Sad to make room for each other.

 

I’m really sorry, but…

Remember when we were kids and we had done something mean to someone else, and our parents caught us? Usually we were grabbed by the ear and placed squarely in front of the offended child.

“Tell them you are sorry.”

This was followed by a look that combined but-Mom-I-was-right-and-he-was-wrong and do-I-really-have-to?in trouble

Of course our mothers understood what our look was communicating immediately, and just as quickly they returned a look that WE understood immediately.

With a gulp, and a kick at the dust, we turned back and muttered “sorry.”

It’s probably safe to say that 98% of the time we weren’t sorry at all.

Well, probably sorry we got caught, but that was about it.

I’ve thought about this childhood experience as I’ve witnessed some adults offer apologies.

Continue reading I’m really sorry, but…