A couple of months ago I was working on a series of letters to those who were struggling with different issues and perhaps feeling lost.
Looks like I kind of got lost in the middle of it all.
Not sure it’s safe to say that I’ve been found, but I can definitely say that I’m actively looking.
And I’ll keep my eyes open this time.
You know, constant vigilance.
So, I’ll give it a whirl at taking my own advice:
Got a little too big for your britches, didn’t you? Cocky confidence about being able to be “normal” came back and bit you right in the back side of your trousers didn’t it.
I still love you.
And believe in you.
I know, it’s just so enticing to feel that emotion of clarity, strength, soaring – actually just BEING alive.
In other words, our good old friend Mr. Mania.
Continue reading I guess this letter is to me
One of the little surprises this holiday season was a framed quote that many of you have already seen:
My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity. I replied, “No, we all seem to enjoy it.”
After the initial chuckle, taking time to ponder just what this statement can mean still brings a smile to my face.
But probably without the laughter.
A few weekends before Alex was scheduled to arrive home, Ann and I thought that I should call Monday morning and see if I could get an emergent appointment with the doctor in Salt Lake. The combination of mental illness symptoms and medication side effects felt just out of my reach of control.
I have learned how to control my outward actions and responses to the mental inward implosions. The feelings of slowing slipping into insanity, the screaming inside at being locked in an unreal prison that is more restricting than any cell made of iron bars, and the overwhelming physical exhaustion can be tamed and kept within.
I actually think I’m pretty nice and easy going overall.
But we had hit that point where I didn’t think I could last until our next appointment after the first of the year.
Continue reading We’ve made it through the forest, only to find that there are still lots of trees
Here’s another story we have come across over the years is worth sharing.
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room’s only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end.
They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. Continue reading Are we blind enough to see?
(all images in this post are from the LDS Media Library)
A friend recently shared some frustrations regarding what it feels like to be considered a second-class member of society, or more painfully, a second-class member of a family.
I think I noticed it more in my personal life when I was younger. It was pretty easy to figure out who was “different.” The adults’ raised eyebrows and hurried whispers were seen by the youth and we were quick to imitate.
After all, there must be a good reason to see this person as not quite good enough, even if we didn’t understand what it was.
Gratefully, now as a middle-aged man I see it less and less in my personal life. Ann and I really do live in a pretty amazing place with pretty amazing people.
However, it seems that society at large has gotten worse.
Continue reading Being vigilant vs. being vindictive
A few days ago we talked about my tendency to cross bridges long before they have been built.
You know, that anxious ability to live bad things before they ever happen, if they ever happen.
But what about the bad things that have already happened?
I firmly testify that Heavenly Father can and has taken tough experiences and brought out blessings before unimagined.
I testify that He will continue to do so.
Ever heard of Coumadin Failure?
Basically, it is when you get blood clots while being on Coumadin. Kind of discouraging, but it happens. It happened to us. Continue reading We’ve already crossed that bridge